The Art of Happy Holidays - Prairie Eydie Style Part I

 

 

Every holiday season I have to remind myself that I am not Martha Stewart or Ina Garten.  My house won't be featured on HGTV and Bing Crosby won't be dropping by to smoke a pipe and judge my use of tinsel.   I have spent many holiday seasons pretending to be someone I am not.  Lets take a walk down memory lane.  We can start with baked goods.

 

One December, many years ago, I decided I would be the person who showed up with an amazing platter of Christmas cookies.   I fantasized about my kids bragging to future college roommates about how amazing their mom's Christmas cookies were.  I imagined bake sales not starting until I arrived with my array of cookies. 

 

So, for two weeks I entered a Christmas cookie hell of room temperature, grass fed butter, dusty floured counters, and satanic spritz presses.  (Don't message me with your fairy tales of how spritz cookies are so easy to make.  I don't believe you.)  The kitchen timer was constantly dinging, alerting me to either take chilled dough out of the refrigerator or baked cookies out of the oven.  I developed a long lasting tic, hearing the kitchen timer everywhere I went.  I baked cut out sugar cookies, peppermint candy canes, thumbprint cookies, spritz, and marzipan fruit.  I even tried to make homemade caramels.  (The end result was a caramel syrup that was quite tasty poured over ice cream.  I was able to return the six rolls of waxed paper I had purchased.)

 

 

 

 

My finished cookies did not look beautiful or remotely tempting.  No college student would be waiting at their mailbox in hopes of a care package.  Bake sale coordinators would wait until I left to chuck my cookies into the compost.  My cookies looked like someone who hated to bake made them and they all pretty much tasted the same.  Sugary with more than a hint of overpowering peppermint. 

 

 

 

 

 

Family members did not want to eat my cookies.  I entered a downward spiral.  I couldn't take all my hard work going to waste, so I started devouring the cookies.  Eventually I had to lock the cookies in my trunk to stop myself from pouring milk over them and making a crumbled cookie cereal. 

 

This episode of cookie mania taught me to not spend hours doing something I hate that no one else cares about.  I am now known as the mom who makes the super, tasty spiced pretzels. (Thanks for the super easy recipe, Diane!  I owe you.)  I am fine with other moms wearing the "Cookie Goddess Tiara."

 

Be sure to join me for Part II of "The Art of Happy Holidays."  You will learn how streamline your decorating and ditch the Dickens village.

 

Prairie Eydie

 

 

 

Sick of Sinuses - Part II

Today marks week 10 of my chronic sinus infection.  I want to scoop my eyes out with a melon baller.  I want to explain, in detail, how the neti pot backs up behind my eyes.  I want to stay in bed and watch ALL the episodes of Gunsmoke.  (635 episodes; plus, a character named Miss Kitty.  My cat's name is Miss Kitty, so I already have a personal connection to the show.) 



I swear this ISN'T me and Diane.  I don't even own pink shoes.



I just came off a 5-Day-Predinisone-Blast (as in "a lot of prednisone" not "a whole lot of fun at one time").  For two and 1/2 glorious days I felt like myself. 

• I made the kids dinner, not relying on my current standby of rolling up whatever was in the fridge in four tortillas. 
• I went shopping with my friend and we behaved badly in Wal-Mart.  (as in "we bought way too many mismatched Pioneer Woman bowls" not "we got into a hair pulling gal fight in the shampoo section").
• I returned to reading actual books (The Orchid Thief, by Susan Orlean) and not just listlessly flipping through Cooking Light magazine, imagining someone would show up at my front door with one of the featured "Amazing Weeknight Recipes"  (There was a Tortilla Soup that looked good.)

 

IT WAS A FABULOUS 2 AND 1/2 DAYS!

 

 

 

Sadly, with the exit of prednisone and antibiotics, my cranky sinus infection reappeared.  I just about lost my mind and wasted no time in drafting a survival plan.  Here is what I have so far:

 

• Continue to invest in Himalayan Salt lamps even though there is no proof they are working. 
• Direct my family from bed using a megaphone.  The kids will probably draw literary conclusions between me and those old people who always stayed in bed in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
• Drag self to Costco to buy Turmeric capsules.  It might be a waste of 25 dollars but it also might be the best 25 dollars ever spent.  Bonus:  I can save money by eating Costco samples for dinner if I time my visit right.
• Give myself permission let "Clean House Standards" fall even lower.
• Come to terms with the fact that Fall yard clean-up will not be happening this year.

I suppose I could take up knitting or rug hooking.

 

I am off to Urgent Care to see what they have to say about my sinus situation.  Meanwhile, my friends, be well and keep those sinus cavities irrigated.

 

Eydie

 

 

 

Prairie Eydie Learns Something New, Part II

Warning.  The f-bomb detonates frequently in this book.  Definitely not for everyone.  In fact I can only thing of about three people I could recommend this book to.

 

 

I started reading Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, by Daniel Pink, last night.   Amazon had delivered the book several days ago and it had been laying on the living room floor waiting for me to get motivated to read it.  (Warning:  The book starts off with a lot of data, for those of you who suffer Staff Meeting PTSD.)  I  wasn't feeling motivated to read something life changing because a friend loaned me the super hilarious memoir Let's Pretend This Didn't Happen, by Jenny Lawson.  This book features nonstop hijinks, like when the author's dad adopted a rafter of turkeys and how the turkeys got caught in the windshield wipers while trying to peck the family's eyes out??!?  Good stuff.  Much more fun than finding out how all my carrot/stick motivation programs were a worthless waste of time. 

 

 

 

I have picked-up a bad habit from a friend of mine.  Now I open to random page in the middle of the book and start reading there.  As a Middle School reading specialist, this is against everything I teach my students, but it is kinda fun.  The first sentence I read in Drive blew me away.  (NOTE:  This is paraphrased because I didn't use the valuable strategy of marking important passages with post-it notes.  Truthfully I would be happy if my students used a post-it to mark where they let off reading.  So much time is wasted with the questions, "Now.  Let's see.  Where did I leave off?) 

 

 

 

85% of people do the right thing at work.  Rules and regulations are created for the remaining 15%.  Daniel Pink is telling me that 85% of people could handle flexible scheduling.   Possibly, all of my work could be done in four days instead of five - but I am working eight hour days, 5 days a week because some screwballs will take advantage of the system and cruise the corridors looking for donuts and caffeine. 

 

The second section I flipped to in Drive was about "task shifting".  Again, I didn't use my arsenal of post-its and am paraphrasing - If someone is bored with their current assignment, have them train someone else in the skills they have mastered. 

 

 

 

This is my 27th year of teaching and I would LOVE me some task shifting.  I could train someone to choose books for kids who hate to read and show how I boost vocabulary.  I could also suggest a gazillion books for kids who love to read.  In return, I would love be trained by someone else.  Here is a super short list of beneficial things I could learn from co-workers:

• How do I best teach our English Language Learners (ELL)?  Yesterday, I learned that most languages, other than English, don't use rhyming words.  Wow.  One of my 7th graders was having a rhyming breakthrough and I didn't even know what a big deal it was.
• What is Google Classroom and how can a luddite*, like myself, use it in my classroom.  (I actually put post-its notes on my phone to remember things.  It is the only thing that seems to work.)
• How do you keep things fresh after teaching for more than ten years?  What inspires you to return to the classroom everyday? (Other than new school supplies.)

 

Finally, I am super motivated to start reading Drive from the beginning.  Let me know what you think and if you want to shift some tasks.

 

Prairie Eydie

 

*Luddite

 

 

 

 

The Art of Knowing What Not to Say

I have read articles on what to say to people who have lost a loved one. I know saying "There is a reason for everything." or "I know how you feel." (and then launching into your own story of loss) are not comforting statements. 

 

 

No kids.  Candy corn isn't a vegetable.

 

 I have yet to find an article on what to say to someone who is divorced.  After my divorce people said things like - "At least you have the whole bed to yourself." and "Now you can eat popcorn for dinner whenever you like."   If I wanted a bed to myself, I could have gone to the guest room and not bothered with the messy, expensive divorce.  Popcorn?  Seriously?  I would rather have Pirate's Booty and candy corn for dinner or a hearty steak. 

 

Since there is such a need, I have decided to momentarily step on my soapbox and be the spokesperson for the divorced (or at least the spokesperson for myself).

 

I have lost track of how many people have told me, "You are SO lucky to have every other weekend kid free."  There are several reasons why this is not the thing to say. 

 

Did Bob even want to win the Nobel prize for literature?  Last I heard, he wasn't returning their calls. 

I don't want my kids to pack their bags and leave every other weekend.  They are now past the stage of dangerous two year old behavior and don't require constant "sharing interventions."  Sure, they aren't as adorable as they once were, in that "freshly bathed, footie pajama kinda way."  But, I enjoy my children and feel sad when they leave. A sliver of empty nest syndrome.  Suddenly, I have no one to discuss if Bob Dylan should have won the Nobel Prize for literature.  No one to read Little House in the Big Woods to.

 

 

 

On these "kid free" Friday nights I have learned to distract myself.  Thrift shops are great distractions, as is Downton Abby.  (Hmmm.  Lady Mary had no problem handing over Master George to Nanny.  George was only paraded out during tea or to be giddily tossed around by Thomas.)  

 

 

 

People who tell me I am lucky must think kidless weekends are full of  soul-feeding-creativity and  luxurious pampering.  Nope. 

• My kids don't know how to wear anything twice, so I am washing piles of laundry. 
• I am grocery shopping because kids gobble a lot of grapes and know how to suck down the milk. 
• Usually I run out of time, but I try to prep some food for the upcoming week.  My kids think flour tortillas are a food group and that sandwiches are a main course.   
• I am cleaning the house, trying not to let my standards fall any lower.  I moved into my new house in February and have yet to dust. 

People who are envious of my "kid free" weekends, probably just want some time to themselves.  Time to collect their thoughts.  Or maybe take a hot, uninterrupted shower.  Figure it out, people!  You deserve some free time and don't need to get divorced to find it.  So, get out those calendars, fire up those popcorn poppers, and sprawl out on that bed!

 

Okay.  I am now stepping down from my soap box.

 

Eydie

 

 

 

 

Prairie Eydie Learns Something New Part I

 

 

I went to a fabulous professional development session on Friday.  Note.  I have rarely used the words "fabulous" and "professional development" in the same sentence.  It is now Sunday and I am still thinking about what was said on Friday.  Pretty good.  The session was taught by Chris Gleason, Wisconsin's Middle School Teacher of the Year. (Bravo!  Great decision Wisconsin!) 

 

The topic was "Motivation and Assessment."  I was attracted to the "motivation" portion  because I teach struggling 6th and 7th grade readers.  HECK.  I also struggle daily with motivation and need tips.  I am not very motivated to make my bed, even though bed making has been linked to happiness.  Also, I am not motivated to make the meat loaf "cupcakes" recipe I tore out of a magazine three years ago.  Some days I am not motivated to teach my unmotivated students because I am out of ideas of how to motivate.

 

But I LOVE seeing those neat rows of stickers marching across the tagboard.

 

10 minutes into his presentation, Chris said the carrot and stick approach (think gold star sticker chart) to motivation isn't effective and actually decreases the behavior you are trying to foster.  This finding has been replicated in 70+ studies. 

 

 

 

MIND BLOWN. 

 

I have 26 years of using  extrinsic carrot and stick motivation strategies in my classroom. 

• I have stapled individually wrapped lifesavers to vocabulary tests so the students would at least look at the test before slam dunking them in the garbage. 
• I have baked homemade brownies every time a student finished reading a book.  (I think I only baked three pans of brownies all year, which tells you how effective that method was.) 
• One year, candy corn was doled out every time students were sitting in their chairs.  The "Year of Candy Corn" was a particularly rough year, especially when stores stopped stocking candy corn after Halloween.

 

 

 

I have 12 years of using the carrot and stick approach with my children.  Sigh.  I confess, I have used:

• M and Ms for peeing in the Elmo potty
• Weekly allowances for doing chores
• New books for good report cards.  (Personally I don't find the book  reward all that reprehensible.) 

You are probably either thinking:  a) I am a horribly misguided person  who should have known better. OR b) What can be done to motivate people?

 

Here is what I have down in my notes, under the heading - "What DOES Motivate?"

 

1.  Autonomy over task, time, and technique.

 

2.  Mastery because becoming better at tasks matters.  You have to be excited about being bad!  Woot!  Woot!

 

3.  Purpose.  It has to be a cause bigger than yourself.

 

In other words, the activity itself needs to be the reward.   I was trying to process all of this over the phone with my dad last night. 

 

Eydie:  I shouldn't be giving the kids an allowance for doing their chores.

Dad:  Oh.  Why is that?

Eydie:  If I pay them to do something around the house, they will always expect money and will never set the table without being paid. 

Dad:  Hmmmm.

Eydie:  So starting tomorrow I am just going to give the kids their allowance and expect them to do chores around the house.

Dad:  Good luck with that.

 

 

 

 

Maybe before I stop using carrots and sticks with my children, I should head out to buy one of the books Chris recommended - Drive, by Daniel Pink.  I will let you know what I find out.

 

Eydie

 

 

 

When Your Starbucks Friend Moves Away



Even celebrities struggle with the darkness surrounding losing their #1 Starbucks friend.   Hang in there Ellen! 

 

 Few bloggers have tackled the difficult topic of "What to do When Your Starbucks Friend Moves Away."  I am currently trying to process the pain of my Starbucks friend, Kristen, moving to Baltimore.  It has been four months of lonely lattes.  Morose macchiatos.  And friendless frappuccinos. 

 

My therapist said journaling about the loss might nudge me towards making a new Starbucks friend.  Ha!  Everyone knows you are very lucky to have ONE Starbucks friend in your life, let alone two.  (You would think it would be easier, with a Starbucks on every corner.  But it isn't.)  Well.  I am a teacher and tend to do my assignments . . . so here is a peek at my journal.

 

 

A movie in which Julia and Meryl spend 90% percent of it screaming at each other is SO much better than a Grateful Dead cover band. 

 

A Starbucks friend will bring you a skinny vanilla latte when your boyfriend chooses to see Dark Star Orchestra instead of Julia Roberts' amazing new Southern Dramedy, Osage County.  Your Starbucks friend will always choose you and caffeine over tiresome outdoor concerts. 

 

A Starbucks friend is not so nutritionally obsessed that she doesn't see the obvious benefits of a weekly Starbucks lunch.  A pumpkin spice latte has fruit, (or is pumpkin a vegetable?  Seriously, it would be even better if pumpkin was a vegetable.) dairy, and the highly beneficial spice - cinnamon.  Cinnamon can lower blood sugar levels and reduce heart disease risk factors.  (This is especially helpful if your diet includes mutiple pumpkin spice lattes.)   Starbucks lunch days are the BEST.  It is heavenly to be free of your slightly smelly, insulated lunch bag and ubiquitous fat free Greek yogurt.   

 

 

 

 A Starbucks friend will act surprised when you give her a Starbucks gift card for Christmas.  She will even insist on breaking it in and treating you to an eggnog latte. 

 

Things aren't going so well in Baltimore either.  You are irreplaceable, Kristen!

A Starbucks friend knows baristas don't know how to spell names.  People can NEVER spell my name right, as it starts with a vowel and a sometimes vowel.  (Eydie - for those of you keeping track.) Apparently baristas can't spell "Kristen " either.  Is that with a "c" or a "k"?  "i-n" or "e-n"?  You Starbucks friend knows how to simplify things and lets you choose if you want to be "Sue" or "Kim."  At Starbucks I become Kim.  The only downfall is one over achieving barista who calls out - "Hi Kim!" whenever I walk in.  He could be onto me, as I often look to see who is behind me.

 

Hmmm.  Perhaps I need to find a new Starbucks to frequent along with a new Starbucks friend.

 

Eydie

   

Curious About Podcasts?

Hello Kitty makes everything cute.  Even cell phone addiction.

I somewhat recently upgraded my phone of 7 years to an iPhone 6.  I bought a ridiculously overpriced case for it and actually looked at the available apps (or "buttons" as I was calling them).  I lit up when I  saw the podcast app.  (According to my ex-husband, I had the same app on my old phone but never noticed it.  This may be another reason we didn't last.)  With a little help from my 6 year old daughter, I started subscribing to podcasts.

I would like to share what I have learned from podcasts, so far, with you. 

I learned the anatomy of the a wonderfully nonsensical phrase:  "I know, right?" on the 7 Minute Explainers podcast.  Apparently it can be traced back to the marvelous Tina Fey.  My son and I like to listen to this podcast together before heading off to bed.  Allergies have been explained and we have "met" a woman who ran for president before women could even vote.   

Inhale.  Fold.  Exhale.  Scrub.  Inhale.  Treat stain. Exhale.

Gretchen Rubin (author of The Happiness Project and Better Than Before) and her sister, Elizabeth, have a wonderful podcast called, Happier.  The sisters once discussed using the word "meditation" after tasks you don't like to do.  For example, instead of saying "I am going to do the dishes." you say, "I am beginning my dish washing meditation."  For some reason this tip works with almost everything.  It does not work when cleaning the litter box or emptying the compost bucket.

54 minutes of madcap, automotive high jinx. 

On my dour days, reminders to laugh and not take life so seriously are found with Click and Clack on Car Talk.  I am not particularly interested in cars or car repair, but I have inexplicably been a devoted listener for years.  I have learned that it is super bad if your transmission goes and what happens if you accidently drive your car into a lake with a kayak on top. 

I love the Robcast, hosted by Rob Bell.  I first heard of Rob on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday.  He is a surfing, ex-pastor from Michigan who thinks beneath the surface of spiritual matters and has the ability to rile people up.  Rob has a 5 part series on forgiveness that I have listened to several times.  I need reminders that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself because I lean towards being "grudgy."   

Magic Lessons with Elizabeth Gilbert is helpful to souls who need permission to create "stuff."  Liz (if you listen to the podcast enough, you get to call her - Liz) encourages people to follow their curiosity and see where it takes you.  My curiosity has led me to mod-podge, vegetable gardening, and blogging.  Warning.  She uses bawdy language and you shouldn't listen to this podcast when making dinner, if you have small children.  

Being a teacher, I have listened to dozens of podcasts surrounding education.  For some reason, I couldn't stand any of them.  They all made me feel like I was trapped in a staff meeting without coffee.  Maybe my curiosity will lead me to starting a podcast for teachers?

I would love to hear what your favorite podcasts are because I always have laundry and food prep meditations. 

Eydie

   

Sick of Sinuses - Part I

I have been back at school less than 12 days and already have been pummeled with a raging sinus infection.  It happens every September. I know there is nothing more boring than listening to people describe how sick they are (except maybe listening to people sequentially describe their dreams), but please indulge me. 

• It hurts to blink, so I wear a constant look of surprise and judgment.  My eyes are drying out. 
• Bending over is painful.  I am just dropping things on the floor and have tripped over a Costco size bottle of dish soap three times. 
• It hurts to lay down, so I am propped up on a mountain of my daughter's stuffed animals.

I do everything I can to avoid getting sick because I know, as a single mother, I will have to continue taking care of my kids no matter what color my nasal discharge is.  Here are some ways I attempt to keep my sinuses healthy and happy.

Yes, my friends.  I even went into Target like this to buy Kombucha.

Regular acupuncture, cupping, and ear seeds. I wear my ear needles and cute "whiskers" home even though my kids won't look at me.  I am grateful to the swimming Olympians who, once again, introduced cupping to the world stage.  (Didn't anyone remember the rumbles of concern and shock when Gwenyth Paltrow rocked her cupping circles?)  Ear seeds look icky and I wear my hair down when I have them.

I choose to blindly believe every single part of this.

Himalayan salt lamps.  This is a bit far out even for me.  I guess when the salt lamps warm up they send out more negative ions which is a good thing.  Don't ask me why this a good thing because I have no idea.  I was telling my dad about the lamps and how they were going to save me from a parade of antibiotics.  There was a long pause before dad said, "No matter how thin you slice it, it is still baloney."  Hmph.  At least I know where he stands and I am not canceling my order on Amazon for another four lamps.  If nothing else, they look cool. 

The neti pot. Actually I am now reconsidering this health ritual. Last night a friend told me neti pots could cause brain infections if they aren't sterile .  Hmmm.  Maybe I will run my neti pot through the dishwasher today. 

And the most painful path to healthy sinuses?  (Worse than fiery cups stuck on my back?  Worse than seeing my credit card bill after a Himalayan lamp buying spree?)  I drastically reduce the amount of refined sugar I consume.  That means no skinny pumpkin spice lattes.  No chilled chardonnay.  No casual handfuls of candy corn.  My friend, who also suffers from regular sinus infections, summed it up perfectly - "I am the strange one at the potluck who can't eat anything.  I bring a tofu salad that no one else will eat." 

Be sure not to miss Part II of Sick of Sinuses.  You will get the inside scoop on how to manage being a parent while wanting to collapse into a weeping, feverish puddle.

Eydie


 

 

Teacher Resolutions Revisted

I am six days into the school and decided to pause and reflect on how my resolutions for the 2016-17 school year have been going.  (I wanted to reflect in peace and quiet, so I set my alarm clock for 5:30.  Unfortunately, my chatty daughter already has her first cold of the season. She is awake too, sniffling and snuffing, while asking questions.  "Mom, why do people like Clifford?  What does barely mean?  Do you think Costco will have a mermaid costume to fit me?"  Sigh.  My son just wandered by with a bloody nose and wads of Kleenex.  NOTE:  I will have to get up at 4:15 if I want solitude.)

Now, tell me.  What six year old wouldn't want to eat that snotty mixture?

I did not eat lunch out of a bag once this week and feel very proud.  I saw a "Tasty" video, for Chicken Burrito Bowls, on a friend's Facebook page.  The idea was to make the recipe once and have lunches for the week.  The lunches would be neatly stacked in square Tupperware containers.  YES!  This is something I could do.

As I was compiling the ingredients into containers, my children paraded by and mentioned how delicious the burrito bowls looked.  They also reminded me they already had sandwiches twice for dinner that week.  (Humph.  The ingrates failed to mention how  I bought Hawaiian rolls to add variety to the sandwiches.  When I buy things like Hawaiian rolls and Gogurt, I try to forget I ever read Michael Pollan's preachy - In Defense of Food.)

Yeah.  I think Hawaiian rolls have a scary long shelf life, but Gogurt would most likely, probably rot if left on the counter long enough. 

Long story short:  the kids ate the burrito bowls in 8 minutes and I had veggies and hummus all week.  Are you happy Michael Pollan?

Sadly, there was no celebratory cake in the teacher's lounge, so I was unable to test my willpower. Though I am sure it would have been strong. 

 I did not come home with extra energy to give my family.   One night, I forced myself to go return stuff at Target so I wouldn't trundle to bed at 6:30.  I was so tired I didn't even browse the t-shirts at Target.  (I am on the lookout for a t-shirt in my size that says, "Oh Kale No!") But I did manage to do a load of laundry so the boys wouldn't run out of shorts to wear.  Gold star for me! 

Otterly Adorbs.

And for another gold star, I limited the amount of time I watched otters eating kibble on Facebook.

It is going to be a great school year. 

Eydie

Happy Teacher New Year!

If I remembered to drink water at school I could both stay hydrated and work on my strength training.

 
I began my 26th year of teaching this week.  NOTE:  I shamelessly encourage people to tell me I look too young to have been teaching that long.

Now it is Friday and I am sitting on the couch unable to move.  My feet feel like they did when I was 8 months pregnant.  I am considering starting a new family dinner ritual for my children called, "Scavenger Hunt."  (Apparently my daughter has already started playing because she just walked by eating a flour tortilla.)    I am dehydrated because I forgot to drink water at school.  I SO admire teachers who commit to drinking water at school.  They courageously arrive every day armed with large water containers and leave hydrated with glowing skin and freely flowing digestive tract.

Susie and I have SO much in common.

I don't make resolutions in January because I consider September my fresh start and craft lofty resolutions at the start of each school year.  The new markers, unmarked composition notebooks and clean pink erasers leave me giddy with anticipation of a great school year.  I would like to share my 2016-2017 School Year Resolutions with you.

1.  I will renew efforts to pack fresh lunches and not continually resort to the convenient and strangely delicious microwaveable bags of Indian style chick peas.  There is something very sad about a teacher, hunched over her desk, eating from a bag.

2,  I will not stampede to the Teacher's Lounge every time it is announced that there is leftover cake. 

3.  I will remember to come home with enough energy to give my 3 kids and needy cat.  I don't want the kids telling their therapists one day - "What I remember most about my mother is how she would come home every day from work and just lay on the floor listening to pod casts.  She didn't seem capable of any love."

4.  I will remember to keep an extra wardrobe at school.  Tank tops and beach balls for when my classroom is hot.  Fleece hoodies and fingerless gloves for when it is cold.  This will also help with my resolution of cutting back on dramatic emails to the custodian about classroom temperature.

5.  Since "sitting" is the new "cigarette," I will briskly walk around the classroom every 8 to 10 minutes instead of rolling around the classroom on my padded computer chair.

It is a well documented fact that at least one student will yell out "You're a wizard, Harry!" whenever Harry Potter is mentioned. 
 

 6.  I will stop telling students I spent the entire summer reading the Harry Potter series.  Apparently no one wants to hear about it, so I won't even mention my Harry Potter coloring books.

I am sure these resolutions will ebb and flow throughout the school year, but I think it is a good start. 

Eydie

Prairie Eydie: "Hot Mess" at Hot Yoga - Part II

A helpful tip to gals who are new to hot yoga - remove make-up before class.

Before officially beginning my "Hot Yoga Journey" I called my friend, Ellen.  I had concerns about getting bored during  yoga class.  After all, I was used to running from hellish station to hellish station in my cross-fit classes.  My brain was constantly stimulated by wondering if I was at the right station and if my undies were showing while pushing the sled across the gym floor.  I feared hanging out in "Tree" pose wouldn't be challenging for someone of my athletic prowess. 

Ellen easily put me in my place by saying, "No offense, but you're going to be too confused to be bored.  Try to get into the back row, but make sure you can somewhat see the teacher."  (Spoiler.  I didn't anticipate sweating rivers into my eyes.  I couldn't see the teacher no matter where I was in the studio.) 

ElIen was so right; I am four months into yoga and dream of being bored.  (Hint:  If you are bored during "Tree" pose, close your eyes.  Or you could "grow your branches.")   Regrettably, the classes I attend are centered on building strength and stamina over chanting some mantra.  Well, some instructors give you 8 seconds to chose an intention and "seal it in with a complete breath" before you beginning to balance, hold poses, and sweat.  Or in my case: waver, tremble, and SWEAT.

You know lady, I looked pretty good in college too. 

I have not yet figured out where to place my mat.  Here is the short list of people I would rather not be next to in a 105 degree yoga class.

1.  The shirtless guy with the hairy chest and the diaper-esque shorts.  Seriously, no one needs to see that.

2. The college student home on break who is decked out in complete Lulu Lemon attire.  Show-off. 

3.  The loud breather.  Super glad they have the ujjayi breath nailed, but I don't want to hear it. 

4.  The crazy advanced  person who makes up their own workout.  I require my yogi neighbor to follow directions so I know what to do.

  A lot of my yoga time is spent trying to not injure myself.  I have injured my back, neck, and knees.  I tried to self-righteously blame the teachers for not helping me, but Ellen pointed out how I needed to grow-up and ask questions. It is difficult for me to ask questions because I am a Midwestern introvert. 

At least I didn't need physical therapy, just this inflatable neck brace ordered from Amazon.com

But having to wear a blow up neck brace made asking questions easier.  And . . . my fitness journey continues.

Namaste. 

Eydie