The Art of Knowing What Not to Say

I have read articles on what to say to people who have lost a loved one. I know saying "There is a reason for everything." or "I know how you feel." (and then launching into your own story of loss) are not comforting statements. 

 

 

No kids.  Candy corn isn't a vegetable.

 

 I have yet to find an article on what to say to someone who is divorced.  After my divorce people said things like - "At least you have the whole bed to yourself." and "Now you can eat popcorn for dinner whenever you like."   If I wanted a bed to myself, I could have gone to the guest room and not bothered with the messy, expensive divorce.  Popcorn?  Seriously?  I would rather have Pirate's Booty and candy corn for dinner or a hearty steak. 

 

Since there is such a need, I have decided to momentarily step on my soapbox and be the spokesperson for the divorced (or at least the spokesperson for myself).

 

I have lost track of how many people have told me, "You are SO lucky to have every other weekend kid free."  There are several reasons why this is not the thing to say. 

 

Did Bob even want to win the Nobel prize for literature?  Last I heard, he wasn't returning their calls. 

I don't want my kids to pack their bags and leave every other weekend.  They are now past the stage of dangerous two year old behavior and don't require constant "sharing interventions."  Sure, they aren't as adorable as they once were, in that "freshly bathed, footie pajama kinda way."  But, I enjoy my children and feel sad when they leave. A sliver of empty nest syndrome.  Suddenly, I have no one to discuss if Bob Dylan should have won the Nobel Prize for literature.  No one to read Little House in the Big Woods to.

 

 

 

On these "kid free" Friday nights I have learned to distract myself.  Thrift shops are great distractions, as is Downton Abby.  (Hmmm.  Lady Mary had no problem handing over Master George to Nanny.  George was only paraded out during tea or to be giddily tossed around by Thomas.)  

 

 

 

People who tell me I am lucky must think kidless weekends are full of  soul-feeding-creativity and  luxurious pampering.  Nope. 

• My kids don't know how to wear anything twice, so I am washing piles of laundry. 
• I am grocery shopping because kids gobble a lot of grapes and know how to suck down the milk. 
• Usually I run out of time, but I try to prep some food for the upcoming week.  My kids think flour tortillas are a food group and that sandwiches are a main course.   
• I am cleaning the house, trying not to let my standards fall any lower.  I moved into my new house in February and have yet to dust. 

People who are envious of my "kid free" weekends, probably just want some time to themselves.  Time to collect their thoughts.  Or maybe take a hot, uninterrupted shower.  Figure it out, people!  You deserve some free time and don't need to get divorced to find it.  So, get out those calendars, fire up those popcorn poppers, and sprawl out on that bed!

 

Okay.  I am now stepping down from my soap box.

 

Eydie