The Art of Not Lying to Yourself

I am a huge fan of New Year's Resolutions, even if I don't accomplish them.  For years I have been writing down - lose 20 pounds.  I never reach my goal, so I dutifully write it down year after year.  

This book motivated me to buy a digital scale.  I bought the scale in 2018 and didn't buy batteries until 2019.  Baby steps.  

My New-Year's-Resolution-Mindset shifted this year.  I asked myself the following question:  What would happen if I actually achieved my 2019 resolutions?  It blew my mind because I never really expect to achieve most of my resolutions.  I decided to change things up.  This year I only wrote down "action" resolutions, not "result" resolutions.  Losing 20 pounds is the result I want.  The action I am taking to reach my goal is to weigh myself weekly.   According to Gretchen Rubin, habits and happiness expert, monitoring is a powerful way to create change and get results.  

So this January,  I weighed myself once a week and wrote down the amount in my planner.  It sounds so simple, but as someone who is comfortable lying to herself - it look courage.   

For years I have avoided looking at how much I weigh.  I threw the bathroom scale out years ago and am an expert at getting out of being weighed at the doctor's office.  (Usually I tell the nurse I just weighed in at Weight Watchers and give them a somewhat reasonable number.  Let it be noted that I am not a member of Weight Watchers and I haven't weighed myself for over 14 years.  I knew I wasn't fooling the nurses, but they played along.)  

Recently, I was talking to my dad about my weight lose journey. Here is how the conversation went:

Prairie Eydie:  I have changed SO many things with eating and exercise, but I only lost 2.3 pounds so far.  Some people stop eating pretzels and immediately lose 11 pounds.  What is wrong with me?

Prairie Pa:  Well, Edith.  Don't you know what is going on?

I had no idea what was going on, other than everyone losing tons of weight except me.

Prairie Pa:  They are all lying!  One of my friends told me he lost 20 pounds, but he looked exactly the same.  People are always lying about weight.  Don't you know that?

They are?  I thought I was the only one.

My friend, Julia, is a real member of Weight Watchers.  She said people always make sure to "weigh in heavy" the first time on the scale.  They eat lots of junk food, wear layers of wet wool, and don't take off their shoes when getting their initial weight.  This way they can make a lot of progress in a week.  For their second weigh-in they show up barefoot wearing shorts and a jog bra. 

Talking with my dad and Julia made me feel better about my 2.3 pound loss.  It is all good.  I am not a number.   Maybe this year is more about not lying to myself.  At any rate, I am looking forward to writing down fresh resolutions for 2020.  

Prairie Eydie  

The Art of Not Being Perfect

So often we let perfection stop us from starting.  My friend, Julia, summed it up perfectly.  She said she was going to quit taking piano lessons because she wasn't very good at it. 

I have fallen into that mindset so many times.  Here are some examples that might sound familiar:

I can't write because I don't have the perfect notebook.  And if I actually have the perfect notebook, I still can't write because I don't have a system to organize my writing.   

OR

I can't rearrange my living room because my couch can't be moved due to heat registers.

OR

I can't workout because gym memberships are too expensive.  

Life is easier when I don't have the right notebook, when my couch can't be moved, and when my heart beat stays at a resting rate.  But, I want to write, I want more living room seating, and I feel better when I work out.  

I decided to tackle these issues in an imperfect way.  

• I started writing in the notebook I actually had in a drawer.  I figure organizing my writing can happen later, the important thing is to fill pages with writing.  
• I invited my friend over who loves to rearrange furniture.  (We ALL have at least one friend who loves moving around furniture.)  She started moving things before taking her coat off.  According to her, lots of people have couches in front of heat registers.  Mind blown.  I now have three more places for people to sit.   
• I dusted off my workout DVDs and am now working out three days a week in my basement.  I would get a more efficient, effective workout at the gym, but this is better than sitting on my heat-vent-blocking-couch and wishing I could join a gym.

Imagine where you could be in January 2020, it you started doing things imperfectly.

What could you start to do imperfectly?

Prairie Eydie

P.S. My friend, Julia, is continuing on with her piano lessons.   

    

The Art of Reading

When people tell me they don't read and that books don't interest them - I become very judgmental.  What do they do with their time?  How they learn new things?  And, most importantly, what is wrong with them?  Despite the best efforts of the 1970s reading curriculum used in central Wisconsin, books have always inspired and challenged me (more on this later).  
   I am a reading specialist and work daily with middle school kids on everything reading.  I try to match hormonal students with books they enjoy and then conference with them about what they read.  89 percent of the reading curriculum involves students choosing what they read and teachers suggesting strategies for students to have a richer reading life.  Do these kids know how lucky they are to have agency over book choice?  Nope. 

Time for a rabbit hole!  Here are my favorite books, so far, from the 2018 - 2019 school year.

The Insignificant Events in the Life of a Cactus, by Dusti Bowling
Front Desk, by Kelly Yang
Restart, by Gordon Korman   

Reading class was very different when I went to school.  There was no choice.  If choice existed, I would have been on a steady diet of pioneer books and red headed sleuth books.  (What the heck.  Time for another rabbit hole.  My students have the good fortune of binging on books about girls loving werewolves and boys climbing Mt. Everest with their estranged father.  I have yet to read a book about a boy falling in love with a girl werewolf or a girl climbing Mt. Everest with an estranged mother.  Would someone please write these books?)

Teachers weren't sweating over finding books I connected with.  I had to find those books on my own.  Educators followed a simple formula every year.  Students were divided into three groups - high, medium, and low.  We were given basal readers which were collections of boring stories with comprehension questions and vocabulary words at the end.  We spent the year reading the basal readers and that was it.  I read the basal stories quickly so I could get to the books I brought from home.  

See what I mean? 

My 6th grade reading teacher, Mrs. Stack, must have noticed I was ripping through the basal stories because she dropped a copy of Dickens' Great Expectations on my desk.  To say I read it would be a lie, I skimmed it.  Sadly, Great Expectations didn't include covered wagons or orphans living in box cars.  Plus Dickens was addicted to describing each and every thing with so many words!  Tedious.  

I am bored just looking at this illustration.  

I was excited to return to my 7th rereading of Little Women after finishing Great Expectations.  Unfortunately for me, Mrs. Stack noticed and assigned me to read "To Build a Fire," by Jack London.  What eleven year old wants to read about a cold man trying to build a fire in a snow drift?  The dog in the story did little to move the plot along.  Later in the year, I wised up and hid my book inside the basal reader. 

I don't know what to do about adults who don't read.  But, I will continue my journey of finding engaging books for my students, hoping they will become adults who read.
    
Prairie Eydie

The Art of Trail Mix

I showed self restraint and didn't rip open the bag in the parking lot.  

Last week I bought a bag of trail mix at Costco.  It was the kind that had a variety of nuts (walnuts, pumpkin seeds, almonds) and dried fruit (cranberries and mangoes).  Did I mention I bought it at Costco?  The bag was the size of a small child and contained 26 servings.  

Sadly, I am not always truthful when it comes to trail mix.  Here are some of the outrageous lies I told myself:

• When I get home, I will measure the trail mix into 1 ounce portions.  I will use snack size zip lock bags and will only eat one ounce per day.

• If I don't look at the calorie count for a one ounce serving, the calories won't count due to my intentional oblivion.

•  Sugar from dried fruit is natural and doesn't count as real sugar.  This is why so many moms give small children cunning, little boxes of raisins.  (Personally, I gave my kids raisin boxes since it took them approximately 5 minutes to fish all the raisins out with their chubby fingers.  GREAT way to use up time in the check out line.)  

• There are no M & Ms in this particular bag of trail mix - making it an extra healthy choice.

• Using 26 snack bags isn't earth friendly, so I will keep the trail mix in the van and grab a handful when I need a pick me up.  This one bag of trail mix will last me for months.  

Wanna guess how long a Costco bag of trail mix lasts a single mom driving around in a van?  Let me tell you.  Three.  Whole. Days.   Good grief.  When I realized what I had done, I told myself even more trail mix lies:

Nuts don't have that many calories.  (They do.)
Other moms are doing the same thing.  (They aren't.)
I deserve all the trail mix I can eat.  (I don't.)
Trail mix isn't crack cocaine.  (This is actually a true statement.)

Yesterday,  I was telling my friend, Julia,  about the "Misbehavin' with Trail Mix" incident.  Julia goes to Weight Watchers and understands the extreme gravity of what I had done.  

     She patiently listened to my play by play account before asking- 

"Do you know where my Weight Watcher leader says trail mix belongs?" 

"In a van? I answered weakly.

"NO.  ON THE TRAIL!"  

What?  Not in the van?  This WW leader was onto something big.

Julia said I could buy trail mix the next time I was on a trail.  (She also suggested not buying it at Costco.)  Since it is Winter in Wisconsin, I will be waiting quite a while.  

Prairie Eydie

  

The Art of Reverse Gossip

This is my 29th year of teaching.  I have seized LOTS of opportunities to participate in and spread gossip. 

Listen, here is a juicy bit from years ago.  Once upon a time, a school security guard was caught selling weed to students.  He was put on leave WITH pay until the situation was figured out.  (OF course, all the teachers started researching how to hawk weed because leave with pay sounded magical.)  

Looking back, here is what I actually remember . . .

• I never directly talked to the security guard because . . . what would I say?  "Hey.  Is selling drugs more lucrative than leading drama club?  Just wondering."
•  Teachers were livid because we were down a security guard.  In those days security guards would remove uncontrollable students from your classroom.
• The situation was never resolved.  The last time I saw the security guard was at the end-of-the-year celebration.  He was having a great time.  
• I have no clue if the security guard gossip was true.

Avoiding holiday parties is on my nonnegotiable list.  (Here is the link for more on my nonnegotiables The Art of Nonnegotiables )  But, I was more than happy to listen to who pounded shots, who flirted with the bartender, and who cried.  I am sure I passed on the party info.  Because why not?  I heard the info second hand, so it must be true. And party poopers deserve to know what is going on.

Sometimes gossip is necessary since it conveys important information - like if your job is being cut or if health insurance premiums are going up AGAIN.  It gives you time to prepare before being delivered the news first hand.  And if it turns out not to be true, then yay!  Congratulations.  You have a job and health insurance. 

I first heard about the concept of "Reverse Gossip" on the Happier podcast.  Episode 181.

It is a new school year.  A fresh start to do better.  I have decided to practice "Reverse Gossip."  Reverse gossip is the practice of passing along positive comments and observations.  If all works well, the positive words will eventually make it back to the person you were reverse gossiping about.  How great is that?     

For those Prairie Friends who want to get scientific, there is something called, "Trait Transfer" - meaning what we say about others - people think about us.  So, if I am droning on at the water fountain about Sally's negativity, people will start to see me as negative.  BUT if I am sharing how Sally always has creative solutions to problems, people will see me as a creative problem solver.  

Is there a place in your life for "Reverse Gossip?"  This is all new to me.  I will let you know how it goes.

Prairie Eydie   

The Art of The Longest Shortest Time

Ahhhh, the end of summer.  It brings an abundance of zucchini, cooler evenings, and change.   Kids, strapped in huge backpacks, are going off to Kindergarten.  Recent grads are moving into dorms.  Teens are comparing their schedules with their friends' schedules.  Moms are snapping "First Day of School" pics to share on Facebook.  

Get in that school and start practicing!  Do you have any idea how much it costs to rent a wooden clarinet?  Do you want to make me sad?

I have known for years that Gus, my middle child, would someday attend middle school.  Well.  Some day has arrived.  

Monday I drove Gus to his middle school Band Booster class. I pulled up to door number 7, which was propped open with a binder.  Not super safe, but I get it.  I explained to Gus how he would walk down the hallway and turn right at the second hallway.  We argued for a bit about how a hallway can merge with another hallway.  Then, like some kind of monster, I let him leave.  I watched him walk to the door and disappear into the building.  I sat in the van and cried.  He had officially entered the developmental stage of caring more about his peers than his mom.  Wah.   

Here is some context for my breakdown.  When Gus was a baby I carried him everywhere.  People told me I was creating a spoiled brat.  I didn't care one bit.  I knew, from my first kid, you only get to carry them around for a short amount of time.  When your kids are between the ages of zero to five years old, you will be experiencing the longest shortest time of your life.  I know this because I have experienced it three times.      

My reality is that the longest shortest time has ended and now time is flying.  My oldest currently solves all my computer and phone issues.  (Though it would be more helpful if he would figure out why the downstairs toilet won't stop running.)  I can ask Gus to grill burgers for dinner and he just does it.  My youngest writes comprehensive packing lists for trips.  They want money, not Lego sets, for their birthdays.  They don't trick or treat anymore, rather they stay home and eat the candy they should be passing out.  No more ducky pajamas, songs before bedtime, or Mo Willems books.  I often go to bed before they do.

Many days I want things to go back to how they used to be.  I want "the band" to get back together.  Days at the zoo.  Excitement about parades.  Afternoon naps.  Sesame Street.  It was fun and safe and predictable.  I can no longer generate parade excitement or control who their friends are.   I am sad my relationship with my kids is changing because tweens and teenagers are scary.  I have never had a kid in high school, a kid in middle school, and a kid in elementary school. Sigh.  But, seasons end so new seasons can begin. 

I have decided to grieve for a bit before embracing the new season.  Tonight's plans involve a plate of nachos and leafing through some photo albums.  Tomorrow I will embrace the new season.

Prairie Eydie  

The Art of Enjoying Aging

I turned 50 in February.  I was too sick on my birthday to either celebrate or lament.  I  don't really mind being 50, but I would love to travel towards embracing 50.  There is absolutely no reason not to. 

Things I Enjoy About Aging  

Wearing the cloak of invisibility.  People stop noticing you as you age.  If I want to run to Target in my jammies and a hoodie, I can because I melt into the background.  The younger crowd can worry about skinny jeans and spotlights.  

This summer's tome clocks in at a startling 759 pages.  No ordinary time indeed.

Enhanced curiosity.  I can read books about history and enjoy them.  The world outside of myself is very interesting to me now.  Of course, it would be nice if these books weren't all TOMES.  I am averaging about one book a year.  As I read the books, I often stop and reflect if I learned the information in school.  It seemed my history classes never made it past WWII.  

(Last summer, per Prairie Pa's recommendation, I read the book Moscow Nights by Nigel Cliff.  It was hard to focus on Van Cliburn's life because I was focused on rereading Anne of Green Gables.  If you missed last summer's drama, follow the link to catch up: The Art of Talking to Your Dad - Part 2 )  



Knowing the same people for a long time.  I have known many of my friends for over 30 years.  I LOVE that!  They know my history because they lived it with me.  We stir up the old stories, yet always leave room to mix in new memories.    

Freedom from repeating (some) mistakes.  I am starting to actually learn the lessons that I have been taught over the past 50 years.  For example:  I am believing people when they show me who they are.   If someone is acting self-centered, chances are they are a self-centered person.  No need to give them 10,000 chances to shape-up.  Accept who they are and move on.

This was my first album.  

This was the back of the album.  I spent a lot of time cobbling together what his album concept really meant.  

Being Prairie Eydie.  I no longer pretend to enjoy things that I don't enjoy.  Age gives you the opportunity to be you.  Just so you know, I don't like festivals, Halloween, or wearing shorts.  But I DO love Billy Joel, Christmas, and skirts.  

What do you enjoy about aging?  

Prairie Eydie